Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Silence isn't always Golden

I woke up Sunday morning to Jim watching tv. I wasnt' up but for a few minutes when he mumbles under his breathe "i am so sick of this marriage" that is his way of telling me he is upset about something. He has said this a few times so really nothing new. But that is really the last words he pretty as much spoken to me. Day 3 of Silence. I am not sure what is wrong, what happened and how could it have happened over night while i was sleeping. If anyone should be upset it should be me. Since i was trying to sleep and he always watches tv. It can't be becuz of the house cuz I have been keeping it picked up. Laundry washed, dishes done, bathroom cleaned. I even started cleaning out the garage for a garage sale. It could be that I am planning my annual trip to the Jehovah Witness convention (if i can get money) This is my only trip out of town. the only time i get to see my family and my mom can spend the weekend with her grandkids whom she don't see. I was also planning on spending a week after and then attending my class reunion maybe. but i would also like to spend time with my Sister who is still in that Gosh aweful nursing home after suffering a stroke. I just wish he would speak to me. I can't fix anything if i don't know what is wrong. I am finding it hard to go about my day knowing he is upset about something. Today i took the car in for oil change, mowed the lawn, picked up the house. One thing i do know I am not an emotional eater. quite the opposite, when i am upset i have to force myself to eat. I know we will get through this we always do. But seriously, I hate that i have to be a mom to 4 children and one of them is 37 years old. He has got it good. all he does is work, which he would do whether we were married or not. on his off days he watches tv, plays computer games, if he wanted to go golfing he could do that too. He can do what he wants when he wants if he wants. This is my last summer. Next Sept Sam starts full day kindergarten, then i can look into getting a job. it will only be part time. I will apply at Michaels, Joann's and Archivers. those are jobs that i know i can do. after all it is Craft jobs.