Silence isn't always Golden

I woke up Sunday morning to Jim watching tv. I wasnt' up but for a few minutes when he mumbles under his breathe "i am so sick of this marriage" that is his way of telling me he is upset about something. He has said this a few times so really nothing new. But that is really the last words he pretty as much spoken to me. Day 3 of Silence. I am not sure what is wrong, what happened and how could it have happened over night while i was sleeping. If anyone should be upset it should be me. Since i was trying to sleep and he always watches tv. It can't be becuz of the house cuz I have been keeping it picked up. Laundry washed, dishes done, bathroom cleaned. I even started cleaning out the garage for a garage sale. It could be that I am planning my annual trip to the Jehovah Witness convention (if i can get money) This is my only trip out of town. the only time i get to see my family and my mom can spend the weekend with her grandkids whom she don't see. I was also planning on spending a week after and then attending my class reunion maybe. but i would also like to spend time with my Sister who is still in that Gosh aweful nursing home after suffering a stroke. I just wish he would speak to me. I can't fix anything if i don't know what is wrong. I am finding it hard to go about my day knowing he is upset about something. Today i took the car in for oil change, mowed the lawn, picked up the house. One thing i do know I am not an emotional eater. quite the opposite, when i am upset i have to force myself to eat. I know we will get through this we always do. But seriously, I hate that i have to be a mom to 4 children and one of them is 37 years old. He has got it good. all he does is work, which he would do whether we were married or not. on his off days he watches tv, plays computer games, if he wanted to go golfing he could do that too. He can do what he wants when he wants if he wants. This is my last summer. Next Sept Sam starts full day kindergarten, then i can look into getting a job. it will only be part time. I will apply at Michaels, Joann's and Archivers. those are jobs that i know i can do. after all it is Craft jobs.

The Past -- J I Case High school

My friend had just mentioned in her blog that she just remembered that it has been 15 years since she graduated. Well i got you beat. This year is our 20 YEAR reunion. Wow has it been that long. We were Case Eagles and We will Soar up where we belong. Our school colors were Green and Gold. I tell everyone i was meant to live in Wisconsin cuz Green Bay packers colors are green and gold also so i was meant to bleed those colors. GREEN AND GOLD GREEN AND GOLD. don't mess with the best cuz the best don't mess, don't fool with the cool cuz the cool don't fool. Yes, my friend was on the cheer squad and I joined her on a few practices. High school is when i started dating. my first boyfriend was a douche. Ok at the time i didn't think he was, he was also my first ah hum. Sadly I will never forget him cuz of that. He was very abusive, a little bit physically and alot emotionally. We broke up and i remember that summer i kicked my ass into gear and came back skinny (in retrospect i was skinny but I looked good that following year. it was my best school picture too. Yes, said boyfriend was kicking himself. What clique was I in. ALL OF THEM. i had friends in every group. But i mostly hung out with the stoners/smokers. Jr. year i fell for a boy. Fred. I fell hard for him. i dated him for quite a long time. Yes this year I dabbled in drugs and drinking. only Pot. still to this day i think nothing wrong with it. I skipped school alot. i was actually a jr. for a year and a half and a senior for only a half a year. i had to bust my butt the first half of my senior year to graduate with my class cuz i skipped half of my jr year away. I was awesome at skipping though. I was also awesome at mixing vodka with squirt and drinking it in school. it is amazing how easy it was. There were a few fights with my "bff" frome elementary. i use that term loosely. I always felt i was fighting in her shadow and now that i think about it. She really wasn't anyone i wanted to be anyway. Still do this day she is pretty much the same. but high school was also when i met my bff. to this day i still call her so, even though we are 6hrs away and see each other maybe once a year. I don't remember how we exactly met. My Bff in this new town reminds me of Mystical in some ways. Things i regret about high school. not going to Prom. Being a follower instead of a leader. being a doormat to some. Things i don't regret, doing pot (still see nothing wrong with it) knowing my friends. Mystical and Joe are my two top and I still talk to though Joe i don't know where he went. i havne't spoke to him in a year and it makes me sad. after i graduated it was about 6-7 months when i met Jim. We ended up dating for a long time then got married and still are married with 3 kids. Jim was/is not they type of guy I am attracted too. i was always into the long hair, leather and jeans guys. and Jim is a computer guy in khaki pants and polo shirts. but it was following a heartbreak of Fred (he cheated on me with my elementary "bff") I miss high school though. i miss learning, taking notes (always loved that) i miss lunch time and gym. I miss it all. it was so easy back then. I am still pondering if i want to go to the reunion. I wish i could talk to Joe and see if he is going. I am thinking I will ask Mystical if she wants to go with me if i do go. even though she graduated 2 years after me. she still was friends with alot of the same people i was.

Some nicknames i have, Shorty, Fritolay, Midget. but mostly it was Shorty.

The Past--Middle school

I went to Glimore Middle school growing up. It was when the first crushes came, though my bff growing up had hers in elementary school (turns out her crush became my brother in law). Nick Loomis was one crush, Brett Horner another (turns out he was the cousin of my bff in high school ((not same bff)) There was a girl in a couple of my classes named Tamara Palez. for some reason throughout the year people would call me Tamara. not sure why we looked nothing alike. she was a bit asian or philipin (sp) but we both wore glasses and hated it so we only put them on at times we needed them. Yes Middle school is when I got my glasses. YUCK they were the ugliest coke bottle plastic frame things. nothing like todays glasses. well i am sure they had cute ones but we were Po' folk and my mom got the cheapest ones. I also got my period this year and my chest filled out. I was always the largest chest of the class. I had one teacher Mrs Nemith. oh she was tough and mean. One time I did something and she kept me after school as punishment. my mom was pissed. I refused to take the activity bus home so Mrs. Nemith drove me home. I am proud to say, she never kept me after school again. :) Then there was that freaky teacher i can't remember her name but she loved parrots. she had big bug eyes too. There really isn't much to remember about Middle school. it kinda was a blip on my life. i only was there for 3 years and really don't remember much of it. i remember the graduation ceramony at the end of 8th grade. Sneaking to a dance (ooh got in trouble for that as my mom didn't allow after school stuff like that. of course she let the younger sibs go later) I remember trying freeze dried ice cream once. that was good. I remember seeing Never Ending Story at school (that was when we had the ice cream) I remember the school store where you bought supplies if you needed it and I can pretty much picture the office and what i looks like and the lunch room which was also where we had the dances. this was also the year that school gym cloths came into play YUCK. at least they didn't push showers. they were there but i don't think anyone used them. This was also the year when there were more races. in Elementary school there was a 1 probably in each class, it was a small country school. but Gilmore was in the city. Gilmore also was were we went on cool field trips. i learned to cross country ski Fun, We went canoeing, FUN. Museum of science and industry. i remember getting sick on that trip and that dreaded Mrs. Nemith. stayed with me the whole time.

Anyway that is pretty much it with Middle school.

next post High school.

The Past- Caddy Vista Elementary

This year is our 20 year reunion. It has been 20 years since I graduated high school. This has stirred up alot of all fond memories from the past. I enjoyed school. I may not have got the best grades and i wasn't a popular girl and i was kinda considered the FAT friend. But we had a blast. I also joined a group on Facebook for my elementary school. Oh the times we had back then. Field Day on the last day of school where we had teams and did games and competed. It is sort of similar to my kids Sports Day but we competed as a team in relays and various other things. If i recall right we got ribbons at the end. I remember one field day and if i was back at the school i could show you exactly where it was that i was doing some game and I got a fish hook in my knee. We had a Tire climber made out of old car tires and it was the bomb. it was just 6 tires that made a cube and there was 3 cubes connected. then the monkey bars on ASPHALT. The Huge car innertube with a rope tied to it that we used in the Winter to pull kids along. Pizza day was AlWAYS on Wednesday. The little store that I would sneak off campus after i got off the bus to buy penny candy. The Teachers. My kindergarten teacher was Mrs. Sorenson, i think she left the year after. I remember getting in trouble and having to put my head down for most of the class (half day kindy) the blow up letter people. My 3rd grade teacher was Mrs. Ortel. she liked hippos. and i would go to the other 3rd grade class room for reading (i was in advance reading) Mardi Gras in the Spring. the games, the cake walk. we have a large family and the cake walk was musical chairs and when most of the people playing are your family. you are sure to win. I remember alot of stuff from elementary. It was like yesterday. i can remember the smell of the hall. the look of the floor. Santa's secret workshop where you could buy little gifts. The school has been shut down and now all the kids in the Caddy Vista district go to other school. It was bitter sweet as my whole family went there and once niece also. 7 kids. Some of the teachers taught all 7 of us too. Mrs Peterson was the secretary and she was there through all of us. I been wondering if my kids are going to have fond memories of school like I have. Are they going to sit and remember all they use to do. I don't know. it was a different time back then. Back when kids use to play and be outside all the time.

Some teachers i remember. Mrs. Hughes, Mrs. Goltz, Mr Sabaka (he was the only male teacher in our school) Mrs. Dresden (gym, ah the parachute and dodgeball) Mrs Booker, Mrs. Putnam

I will save Middle school and high school for another post

"I am staying home today. I don't feel good"

that is what my husband just said to me. I wish as a mom i could say that. I wish when i don't feel good i could stay in bed and do nothing but sadly I can't. But i hate it when he stays home unexpected cuz there is things i do when he goes to work. Today i want to vacuum the loft and shampoo it. but he is sleeping in the other room. it is also bath day for the kids and i like to give a kid a bath in the big tub (master bath) and the boys bathroom to kill 2 kids with one stone. He is in the bedroom and he don't like the kids using the master bathroom. "man Flu" yeah we know how it is. they are such big babies. top of that i was watching Pretty Little Liars upstairs and would love to continue but i can't if he is in there taking over the room cuz you know he make comments throughout. not to mention he has been sleeping all day which means he is going to be up all night and that usually means him watching tv while i sleep. wouldn't be that much of an issue if he did it downstairs and not in the bedroom

Mother's Day what a F'in joke

All i ask is a token, a little thought, don't have to be much. a cheap bouquet of flowers and inexpensive ring or even a simple card. some friggin thought. some of my daily chores done, a coupon for a massage, something simple cuz i know i don't need expensive as you already got me a tv, bluray player, my scrap crap, a car.

This morning you come in after working all night which i know is rough, and tell me i need to clean the toilets and the tile. i said it is my day off the one day that i should have the day off (even though we all know we still do housework) and so then what do i get "happy mother's day now go clean the bathroom" then i hear mumbling while i am going potty about how i always have off, i do nothing, i clean nothing. well if that were true then this house would have layers of dirt and food and yuck up to the ceiling. no I am not the cleanest person when it comes to house work but i am not messy either. you can see my floor, the dishes are washed daily. Laundry rarely gets out of control. I am picking up after 4 people who don't know how to pick up after themselves and 4 pets. i can't do the whites right now becuz i have to hunt down all the socks that everyone leaves everywhere.

Factor in that i am trying to eat right and work out and the working out kicks my ass that i am sore and tired. waiting for it to become easier, not alot just the soreness after.

So what do i get to be on mother's day. not a pampered princess that i know some of you get to be but a maid service. If it wasn't for my kids school, i wouldn't even get stuff from them

My ablation update...

As you recall about 2 years ago I had a uterine ablation done. I had very heavy periods and while they didn't last very long (3-4 days tops) of those days 2 were spent house bound becuz i bled very heavy. The feeling of a gushing makes going out hard. I couldn't wear tampons becuz they gush was so strong and the clots so large they would push the tampon out. So here I am 2 years past my ablation and while my periods are only 2 days tops the cramps are aweful and this month I bled a one day pretty normal. then this am i woke up and there was nothing but i knew something probably would come. so i kept a pad on and it is a good thing cuz I was in the kitchen making the kids lunch when i felt a pop. similar to when you are pregnant and your baby kicks you in your cervix. that kind of pain. then cramps then i just felt warmth. i bled heavy and hard. i ran to the bathroom. if i hadn't i would have bled through my pad quickly. Took some mydol. laid down. then when i was trying to come up with something for dinner. i bled through another pad. It has since let up but MY GOODNESS. having your whole period in 1 day is crazy insane. I am thinking of making an appointment with my primary (don't have an ob anymore) discuss possibly having a mirena put in to stave off the bleeding. what i would love to do is have them remove my uterus but yeah don't see that happening so i guess this is the next best thing